paint in the bathroom floor

Jan 10

something my fingers started typing

why is it that my heart hurts so?

why do I feel it

shrinking

and then

expanding

expanding?

whose hand is it that twists my heart inside of my chest?

whose hand is it?

the hand squeezes my heart and my eyes start to bleed

the tears may be clear but I know they are actually blood

disguised as something pure and beautiful when in reality I cry in red

my eyes and cheeks are covered in blood

it falls

in deep and silent

ticks ticks ticks

on the bathroom floor

and I let them paint the bathroom red

I let my skin sink under the tub and be washed in my own tears

caused by that one hand that twists my fragile heart

with broken steps I get up and look at the mirror

my body is not my own and yet

it was never more mine

my eyes seem fallen

my hair sticky and stained

i put my hands in my eyes just to open them and see everything still as it is

red

and dirty

and I put my hands in my mouth and force it to open widely

I cry

my body shakes because it cannot bear my heart any longer

and my mind is no longer strong enough to silence the heart

so I lay in the painted bathroom floor and cry

for all that is lost

and all that will never be found.

-Antônia D. G. Lau

on reading and writing