please rain, silence the world

something like a story, or like a confession

The room is quiet, and yet it isn’t, for the outside noises, even so distant, try to reach me. Touch me. Change me.

I try to sleep, but it’s useless. I can’t sleep with the world screaming and whispering in my ears.

How can I sleep when the world is trying to catch me?

I eat a slice of bread with butter. Tastes delicious. I drink a cup of coffee. Then another. I sit on my bed and look at my feet, so I decide to paint my toenails. I paint them dark blue. I write on my journal about my own thoughts, and then I put my journal away. I lay in my bed, and then I lay on the floor, but I see only the sealing, my eyes refuse to close.

Sleep and dreams find me at last on my sofa, beside my little window.

I dream of gardens and butterflies.

The garden was filled with white flowers (my favourite ones), but I am scared of butterflies, even more scared of moths.

So in a startle I wake up. I wake up and the sun is almost rising. I know that by the temperature, the delicious temperature, that can only be found and felt at this specific hour.

It’s always windy. And even in the winter the wind is calm, as if it sang a lullaby to all the living, a lullaby of sweet dreams and good morning star, wake up little world, life is sweet, don’t cry.

Besides the delicious windy temperature, it’s raining.

It’s raining and I start to cry because the drops drops drops, the temperature, the sky, it’s all so beautiful.

And I cry because the rain is the only capable of shutting out the world. It doesn’t matter where or when, rain has the capability of silencing all others, silencing the pain and the thoughts, saying all will be fine, I’ll wash this world of its evil, you can wash away everything too.

So I just listen to the silence of the world and then I walk to my writing desk, to play myself a music.

I’ll dance to the music and I’ll listen to it.

And then I’ll go to my sofa by my little window and close my eyes and sleep, because now I’m not afraid anymore. I know the world can’t catch me now, the rain has come to protect me.